The insanely boring life…

This is a monologue about a homosexual teenager who blames his troubles on God and the people at his school. He kills himself at the end. This is a very difficult piece, and if you want to perform it, I suggest you use a capgun to get the noise effect.

Look at me now

(Character is standing on the middle of the stage)

I don’t know what to do any more. It has just become too much! What do you expect of me! What have I done to deserve this! Have I really upset you to the point of pushing me to this extent?

(He pulls a gun out of his pocket)

I know you say I shouldn’t, but what choice have you left me? I am trying, really I am, but, where is this life taking me? More of the same? I don’t want it! TAKE IT BACK!

Alright…I am scared…I’ll admit. But I was never meant to be an island. Everyone hates me now! You tell me not to lie, and now what? Now I am stuck with the pain you brought onto me. I remember…Grade 7. I think I knew, then. I heard all the other boys. They started talking about girls. Everyone had a girl in their arms. And what did I have? Nothing but the pain of knowing, of wishing I didn’t.

I asked you so nicely then. In the night, trying to seep, but drowning in my tears. I asked. I prayed. What did you tell me? Nothing! How did you help me!? YOU DIDN’T! Now look at me! This gun, yes, this gun is real! You! You are not!

I hear the words. They are hurtful. I hear the “Gay” and the “Fag” words that they label me with. I endure it every…single…day. And now? NOW LOOK AT ME!

I tried to blend in! I did! I tried to be “normal”…but the harder I tried, the more I wanted… wanted… wanted to die! And NOW LOOK AT ME!

(To imaginary boy)

I know you say being…like me…is bad. I know! I hear you say “that’s so gay”, as if it were a bad thing. I am sorry! I didn’t mean to! But (he points the gun at the imaginary boy) what can I do. I can’t blame you!

(He points the gun to the ceiling)

NOW LOOK AT ME! Do you see what I have become! “Thou shalt not lie”…”Thou shalt not kill”… “Thou shalt, thou shalt, thou shalt.”

(He lets the gun drop)

And here I am. Bound by your…contradicting rules. Your cage in which I am held. What am I to do? (He drops to his knees) Am I to…face the world, having every Tom, Dick or Harry tell me that I am a freak of nature…a fag…a spiritual monster. YOU ARE THE MONSTER! Just look at me now…

What am I to do? Shall I just…end…it…now.

(He shoots himself)